he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize