They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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