A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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