My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
