omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
