Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think i have herpe
just one?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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