After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
