Will you blow on my dice?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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