even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize