my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
