We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
