girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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