She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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