It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
