I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
