I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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