omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
