so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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