he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
