The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
