i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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