why didn't you poke me back
home. puking in laundry basket.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
