i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
