Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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