I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
