Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
