So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
