He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
