I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
