Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
