i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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