oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
