i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As shirtless as possible
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
