so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
