i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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