i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
