i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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