capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
