Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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