i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
