he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
