I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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