this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
