guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
