I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
