Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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