She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
