i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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