Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Swine flu. Run for my life!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
