Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
