so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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