Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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