just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
