Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
