Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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