4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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