I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
