I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
