is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
