Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
