His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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